The Midnight Hour

Well, here we are (Bernadette & I are spending the night) sitting in Vincent's hospital room at UCLA Medical Center. I am truly blessed by all your emails, texts, phones calls, encouragement, & prayers. Every time, no matter how I was feeling, since this is an emotional roller coaster, you would send a text, email or call me at the moment that I really needed a boost! I am wondering how many of us start to email, text or call someone and start to proceed with it and think, "ah...they don't want to hear from me, what can I say to them they don't already know?" Well, guess what? I couldn't be as strong as I am without you, because you did listen to what God was prompting you to do and in return blessed me and my family and I am so grateful. Throughout the days, especially today, I would read them to Bernadette and Vince and even though Vince was in horrible pain while I read them, he would listen. God's word is alive and powerful and I believe that with all of my heart!

I am actually quite drained as I am writing this, since Vince had a bad night prior to his surgery and all those horrible tests he had to go through, which broke my heart (and Bernadette's) into a million pieces as he came out more than visibly upset than the other day, which makes it even more difficult to see joy in his suffering, but we serve a mighty God who lifts us when we can't walk on our own and I know that Vince had to endure 2 hrs. of scans today with his arms over his head and drink radioactive chalky, yucky, horrible stuff in order to do those tests that are going to help save his life, and I saw God pick him up and get him through this, when he couldn't do it on his own! I'm sure if you are a parent, you will be able to relate to me on this one....I wanted to run into that room and scoop him up and run!!!! I hate this! I am not mad at God, but I want to save my son from pain, but pain is not an option here, but I know that without pain we would not depend on God to help us and then how could we help others when they are in pain? I see it as a "pay it forward" type thing!

Vince's surgery was about 2 1/2 hrs. long and that's just for a biopsy. We kept waiting and waiting, it was only supposed to be about 2 at the most and finally Jim and I went to the surgery area and asked about him and they said he just got into recovery at that very moment. The doctor called on my cell about 1/2 hr. later and we met him outside in the hall. He proceeded to tell us that it was cancer....cancer...I hate that word! I am just going to say that I know that Vince is going to beat this cancer and be healed in the name of Jesus! Ok..now on with what he said to us. He doesn't have all the tests back as of yet and is waiting to see which type it is. I won't go into details until we find out which type, and what his treatment will be for the 2 options, but no matter what he has to have chemo for 3 mths.

Now, the hard part...telling our kids & our family. Mindy, Mikemo, Veronica, Bernadette, Piper, Brian & Chiara all came into the hallway outside of Vinces' room and as they were getting him comfortable, I knew someone would ask, "is it cancer?" and I was kind of frozen, thinking do I really have to say it? The look in my eyes wasn't reassuring to my kids one bit! They just kind of looked at me and then Bernadette broke down sobbing. Her tears would not stop for such long time. Her heart was broken, and so were ours. I know that each of us responds differently, some mad, some sad, some numb, some scared...maybe all those things rolled into one. I also know that it will hit us when we least expect it and that's ok...we just need to get it out and talk about it.

Please keep your prayers coming and all the emails and texts and calls...it keeps us lifted up! I feel like I am living in someone else's life right now and can't believe that all this is happening! But, because I love Jesus so much, my heart is at peace and I know that He is in charge and there is not much I can do other that trust in His perfect plan!
I am going to sleep next to Bernadette tonight on a 3 x 6 (ins. hahaha) cot tonight, so I will blog tomorrow, providing I don't fall onto my computer in the middle of the night and break it, to let you know how Vince is doing, but right now he has zero pain and looks better than he has in quite awhile! Praise God and to God be the glory!! Love you all!